Preface

I NEVER INTENDED TO WRITE A BOOK—IT JUST HAPPENED. (I explain later) There was no purpose for the writing of this book because I never intended to write a book, it was just the undeniable draw to write about the grieving that imprisoned me at the keyboard again and again.

There was, of course, a purposeful plan to have the book published (once we realized, “Hey, we’ve got a book here!”). Books may accidentally be written, but they are methodically and deliberately published.

Kicking back at the coffee shop my editor posed to me the question, “Why do you want to publish this book?”

I explained to her that I wanted to tell the world about the death of my daddy so that daddy would be famous. I wanted people from the elaborate castles to the mud huts to know about my daddy. I wanted people from the mobile homes, interstate viaducts, ocean-going yachts, and urban loft apartments to know about my daddy. I wanted suburban moms to buy their children Daddy Bill action figures and T-shirts.

She said that would not happen.

I explained to her that I wanted “that’s my Daddy Bill” to become an international phrase (such as “my Achilles heel” or “my Waterloo”) representing a profound and intense grief.

“Not going to happen,” she said.

So, having no qualifications for writing anything academic about grieving and therefore, never presuming that I would become rich and famous, I finally admitted that I would like to hope this book helps someone.

I hope that your grief is easier to bear after reading this book. I hope that the frightening things about grief are not so scary and that the inkling to enjoy your grief is easier to indulge. I hope that you feel less alone.

And because I do not want to be like some authors who appear to be saying, “Buy my books, Gentle Reader, but don’t try to contact me,” just let me say this, “if you want to tell me about your grief, I will listen because you allowed me to tell about mine. Send me an e-mail at grief072105@aol.com and put “grief” in the subject line. I will read it every time—even though I probably should be doing laundry or emptying the dishwasher.”

—KSR